Are you feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated? Do goals that used to excite you now feel far out of reach? Well, you’re definitely not alone.
We all experience these lulls of emotional quicksand where we feel like just giving up. When it becomes so hard just to drag yourself out of bed in the morning and the nagging voice in your head constantly asks, ‘What’s the point… anyway?’
Don’t worry, feeling this way is normal, especially when we’ve set a big goal for ourselves. But instead of giving up – learn to let go of outcomes. It may be the boost you need to continue on your journey to success.
Is it Really Worth it?
Recently, I went through a tough period of feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated and wanting to give up entirely on blogging.
Running a blog has been a lot tougher than I thought it’d be. There is so much to learn such as writing, marketing, social media, and ranking in search engines.
I forgot why I wanted to start this blog in the first place. All I could think about was whether I was succeeding or not and was comparing myself to others’ success. I felt unmotivated not just for working on this blog, but couldn’t get myself to do anything productive.
All I wanted to do was hide away under my covers and snooze the days away. I felt like a big failure because I hadn’t achieved my blog milestones in the timeframe I thought I would.
A taunting voice in my head kept asking, ‘What’s the point?’ and ‘Is all this effort really worth it?’
Not having an answer to those questions scared me. The truth is – living abroad has made me feel lost. I gave up my career to move to a foreign country with my husband, and have start over again nearly from scratch.
The career I had before I moved gave me a sense of success, identity and purpose. And, sad to say – but without it, it feels like I don’t know who I am or my ‘purpose’ in life anymore.
I naively thought I’d achieve blog success quickly, and then all my insecurities and life’s uncertainties would just disappear.
Learn to Rest, and Let go of Outcomes – Not to Quit
Then I remembered this quote:
“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.”
– Banksy
So instead of giving up, I took a little break. I discovered some valuable lessons that motivated me to keep going. Now, my passion for this blog, and for my life has been rekindled. I’m back to feeling like my usual self with a fresher, more positive perspective.
What gave me the drive to keep going?
I decided to let go of outcomes and this has helped me to stay motivated and hopeful.
So, if you’re struggling with your goal, and feel like giving up, read on. I’m going to share with you how to let go of outcomes to reignite your motivation. It may be just the reminder you need to re-spark your passion and so you don’t give up.
Learn to Let Go of Outcomes Instead of Giving Up
Let Go of Outcomes
Instead of giving up, learn to let go of the outcome. Give yourself a much-needed break from focusing so intently on your desired end result. Stop obsessing so much about the results that your actions will produce, and instead, focus on the quality of your actions themselves.
This doesn’t mean you give up on achieving your goal, but you take a break from worrying about if you’re succeeding or not. Of course, setting a clear destination is important. However, we often become too focused on merely the end result which puts unrealistically high expectations on ourselves.
We start to believe the outcome it’s the only thing that matters and lose touch with the present moment. We want to rush the necessary processes and fast forward to the achievement.
It’s common to feel this way, but it only causes unnecessary stress and overwhelm. It also confirms the limiting belief that you’re not enough now – and therefore need the achievement to validate your worth as a person.
Balance Desire with Detachment from the Outcome
Deepak Chopra, spiritual teacher and author, says we must balance desire for our goals with detachment to the outcome.
In his book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, he lists the ‘Law of Detachment’ as number six.
He writes, “When you get attached, you freeze your desire from that infinite fluidity and flexibility into a rigid framework which interferes with the whole process of creation. The Law of Detachment does not interfere with… goal-setting. You still have the intention of going in a certain direction, you still have a goal. However, between point A and point B there are infinite possibilities.”
Practicing detachment means embracing uncertainty. You let go of rigid expectations of how your goal will come about. This makes you aware of all the possibilities that exist, instead of clinging to a single path to your outcome.
How to Practice
According to Chopra, you can practice detachment by:
- Allow yourself and those around you to be as they are
- Let go of rigid ideals of how things should be
- Do not force solutions onto problems
- Be willing to accept uncertainty, knowing that it brings new opportunities
Have a Life Outside of Your Goals
It’s easier to relax and let go of outcomes when you have a life outside of your goals.
Don’t make your desired outcome the sole focal point of your entire life. Remember to make time to do things you enjoy that aren’t tied to any goal. Spend time with friends and family, have a day at the beach, or make time for your favorite outdoor hobby.
When you feel like giving up, refocus on doing other things in your life that you truly enjoy and it will help you let go of outcomes. It’ll expand your perspective and remind you that you have a lot of other great things already in your life.
This will help remove the feeling of neediness around your goal, which only adds more stress. When we believe that our desired outcome is the only thing that will make our life worthwhile, we rush creating the necessary foundation for our results to be long-lasting.
Your Outcome Doesn’t Define Who You Are
Remind yourself that your desired outcome doesn’t define who you are. If you’re wanting to give up, it may be because you’ve been putting too much pressure on yourself to succeed within a certain amount of time. This is caused by a fear of failure.
Your fear of failure may be what’s causing you to want to give up. Think about it – if you give up then you won’t have to deal with the pain and embarrassment of admitting you failed. If you’re not aware of your limiting beliefs then you’ll label yourself as a failure when things don’t go according to plan.
To let go of outcomes means to make peace with the fact that you might fail. But you don’t have to let failure stop you or define who you are.
Best-selling author Ray Bradbury said in his book, Zen in the Art of Writing:
“To fail is to give up. But you are in the midst of a moving process. Nothing fails then. All goes on. Work is done. If good, you learn from it. If bad, you learn even more. Work done and behind you is a lesson to be studied. There is no failure unless one stops.”
Ray Bradbury
Remind yourself that you’re already enough just as you are now. Don’t give up on your goal – but remind yourself that you don’t need the achievement of your goal to validate who you are as a person.
Remembering your worth will help get your ego out of the way when working towards your goals. When you define who you are based on your outcomes – it only adds unnecessary stress and emotional pain.
How to Practice
- Replace self criticism with self-compassion, and only talk to yourself in a kind, encouraging way
- Be patient with yourself and your outcomes
- Remind yourself that you don’t need achievements to prove your worthiness, you’re already enough just as you are now
- Remind yourself that you can handle failure – and you don’t have to let it stop you from moving forward
Focus on What You Can Control
No matter how hard we try, we’ll never be able to completely control the outcomes of our actions. All we can control is the quality of our actions, and how we choose to react to our circumstances.
To let go of outcomes means letting go of trying to control every aspect on the journey to your goal. Your role is to show up every day and put in the best work you can. Ultimately the outcome itself is not within your control. However, you can choose how you react to whether you fail or succeed.
You can choose to pull yourself back up from every failure and keep moving forward, and viewing it as merely a learning process. Worrying about things we can’t control only creates unnecessary anxiety and struggle. Remind yourself that the future outcomes, along with the threat of uncertainty – will never be something you can control. All you can do is react to the best of your ability when the moment comes.
Focus on One Brick at a Time
Will Smith, in his new memoir Will advises to “lay one brick at a time.” He credits this as a major key to his success. Stop focusing on just the end result, and instead focus on laying each ‘brick’, or action, as best as you can. Eventually, you’ll have a wall.
He recalls his father telling him, “There is no wall. There are only bricks. Your job is to lay this brick perfectly. Then move on to the next brick. Then lay that brick perfectly. Then the next one. Don’t be worrying about no wall. Your only concern is one brick.”
“I started to see the difference between a task that feels impossible and a task that feels doable is merely a matter of perspective. Are you paying attention to the wall? Or are you paying attention to the brick?”
Will Smith, Will
Read More: 3 Unexpected Lessons from “Will” – Will Smith’s New Memoir
Closing Thoughts
So the next time you feel overwhelmed – instead of giving up, learn to let go of outcomes. Sometimes you need a break from focusing on just your end goal. It only seems impossible when we obsess over the big outcome. Instead, split up your goal up into small, achievable daily tasks. Stay consistent with these daily tasks until they become automatic habits. Give your attention to the present moment and the task at hand, and eventually they’ll add up to your goal.
“Don’t wait to be successful at some future point. Have a successful relationship with the present moment and be fully present in whatever you are doing. That is success.”
Eckhart Tolle
Letting go of outcomes doesn’t mean you no longer care about achieving your goal. Rather, you focus on enjoying the journey. You define success based on your commitment to showing up and doing your best. You stop beating yourself up and comparing yourself to others.
Keep Learning and Moving Forward
Make time for self-reflection. You may been feeling overwhelmed because you’ve been attaching your sense of self to the outcome. This only adds unnecessary stress and emotional strife. Instead, remind yourself that your worthiness has nothing to do with whether you succeed or not. Know that you are already complete and enough whether you accomplish your goal or not. Work hard towards your goal, but don’t wait to love and validate yourself now.
Last, learn to embrace uncertainty by releasing rigid thinking. Remember that there are endless possibilities for how you will achieve your goal. If your plans aren’t working out right away – trust that you will figure it out and be open to new, creative solutions.
I hope this article inspired you to not give up and keep moving forward. Learn to rest and not to quit, and make time for much needed self-care. We all struggle with these feelings from time to time, but if we move forward we’ll keep finding better ways to overcome them.
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