The Fear of Being Ordinary

Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life.

I’d rather be anything than ordinary, please.”
Avril Lavigne (Anything but Ordinary)

Avril Lavigne’s lyrics express more than just middle-class tween angst. It sums up a major fear of my generation— the fear of being ordinary.

At first, this might sound like a good kind of fear to have. We believe it stops us from being boring. Or from becoming like our parents who lived joyless, monotonous lives.

But the fear of being ordinary doesn’t inspire us to be more of who we are. Rather, it robs us of feeling worthy right now.

I’ve been able to avoid an ordinary life for some time now. Growing up, we lived on a sailboat and then in an RV, roaming around the U.S. until I was in second grade.

When I was in high school, we moved to Hawaii to live the island life. When I turned thirty, my husband and I moved abroad to Japan.

But now, I can’t keep running. My visa will expire in a few years. My biological clock is ticking and I want to start a family soon.

Ordinariness is catching up with me.

When I picture my future not becoming the fairytale I’d like it to be, I freeze up with fear.

If I’m unable to create a successful online business.. who would I be? If I can’t live an adventurous, traveling lifestyle.. who would I become?— I ask myself.

My ego answers with, “someone boring… a nobody.“

But why are we so afraid of this?

Because we believe that our value lies in merely what we can achieve or what others think of us.

We seek given identities for a greater sense of self. We want to be an entrepreneur, a model, a world traveler, etc. But these are all just labels. They don’t express who we really are.

But to become someone with badass, unbreakable self-worth, we must remember that our value is so much more than just a label or accomplishment.

Embrace an Ordinary Life

Embracing an ordinary life means giving up unrealistic expectations of becoming someone superhuman.

Being ordinary doesn’t mean you’re less than anyone else. But it doesn’t mean you’re superior to anyone, either.

When you believe you have to prove how awesome you are by showboating your specialness— you only enforce the limited perspective that you’re not worthy just as you are now.

Instead, give up the need to compare yourself with others. Embrace being a nobody.

Then you’re free to stop labeling yourself as good or bad, worthy or unworthy, inferior or superior. You’re none of those things, you’re just you.

You true value is more than some predetermined, boxed-up identity.

Letting go of trying to be a somebody means letting go of mental labels. This frees you to discover who you really are.

Allow Yourself to Fail

If you’re not aware, your ego will tie your sense of self to the achievement of your goals. Making you believe that your worthiness is dependent upon whether you fail or succeed.

Then you fear failure like the plague, feeling stuck and unmotivated. You’re not comfortable in our own skin, believing you have to somehow prove yourself to the world.

The fear of being ordinary stems from a deeper fear of not being extraordinary enough to be loved and accepted.

And feeling like you’re not enough, just as you are now, really hurts. So much that it can stop you from taking the necessary action towards your goals.

But living a mindful life means stepping fully into your worthiness right now. It means continuing to pursue your goals, while knowing that you are already enough, even if you don’t succeed.

“When our self-worth isn’t on the line, we are far more willing to be courageous and risk sharing our raw talents and gifts.”
Brené Brown, Daring Greatly