How I Survived Moving Abroad with an Anxiety Disorder

My husband and I moved to Japan at the start of 2021. We had dreamed of moving abroad ever since we first met, but we never thought it’d happen during a global health pandemic. For someone like me, moving abroad with an anxiety disorder, took a large toll on my mental health.

However, I don’t regret seizing the amazing opportunity to move abroad. Although it was a messy road to get here, it was well worth it and I’ve learned so much about myself along the way.

As someone who’s struggled with high anxiety most my life, I’m not one to handle stress very well. Moving to a foreign country during a pandemic hiked my anxiety up to a whole new level.

On top of this there were so many changes. First, my husband and I eloped in a hurry so I could move with him. Then I had to say goodbye to a new promotion at my job which I held for only a year. I finally found a job I really enjoyed but I had the dream to live abroad all of my life. My career could wait. I wanted to seize this unique opportunity while I was still young-ish.

Leadup to a Meltdown

The few months leading up to the move were some of the most stressful times I’ve experienced. There was so much paperwork and tedious tasks. I worried my name change on my passport wouldn’t be ready in time.

I feared Japan wouldn’t approve of letting our cat, Timmy, come with us. It took months of coordinating with our vet and Japan’s animal quarantine office for the approval.

Anxiety is like a phantom. It haunts you about what might happen – not what’s actually happening. The truth is that everything did end up going smoothly. There were no big hang ups. However, I still couldn’t help overthinking all the ‘what if’s that could have gone wrong, but never did.

In mid 2020, I started seeing a therapist for the first time. She diagnosed me with ‘Generalized Anxiety Disorder.’ It’s where one commonly expects disaster and over worries about work, family, relationships or health.

I think I’m not alone in saying that the craziness of 2020 also greatly intensified my overall anxiety. I worried about the novel COVID-19, the well being of my family, friends, and financial stability. Not to mention the gun violence, political divisiveness, racial injustices, and riots that shook our country.

Moving abroad with an anxiety disorder was a lot tougher than I thought it was going to be.

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My husband moved to Japan three months before me in November of 2020. But I decided to stay until the end of the year to spend the holidays at home and complete my job’s one year contract. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my husband, Josh, was my rock in many ways. His presence alone calmed me so much. He was the one to remind me to rest, to stop overthinking and over worrying about frivolous things.

All the stress was building up inside of me and I just kept trying to push it down. I wasn’t making time to destress or to tend to my mental health. I kept putting the needs of others and demands of my job before my own.

Losing Sleep

I didn’t know how to say ‘No.’ I was always trying to avoid disappointment and ridicule from others. A couple months prior to my move I experienced both intense work and family drama.

Then, for first time, I experienced insomnia. I had had a huge fight with my boss. For a shy people-pleaser like me, this type of in your face conflict was massively anxiety inducing.

I kept replaying the situation over again in my head. I became obsessed with finding a solution for how to save the project I created. She was trying to cut it without a clear reason. I felt targeted. I should have allowed myself to just relax, but I could not.

When Panic Attacks

Then on New Year’s Day, we had a family dinner at my sister’s house. It was a going away dinner for my move. But I was barely functioning due to insomnia. I should have just said ‘no’. I should have stayed home to rest. But instead I drove there endangering my life and the lives of others.

After the dinner, I asked to spend the night so I didn’t have to drive home. I still couldn’t go to sleep. Then around midnight my anxiety and insomnia combined into a full-blown panic attack.

This was first and only panic attack I’ve ever experienced. I did not know what was going on. I thought I was going to die. Combined with my lack of sleep I was in a dazed mode, I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or awake. 

It was the most terrifying incident I ever experienced. It lasted for hours. I’d fall asleep and then wake up into the same hysterical feeling of panic. 

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By early morning I had finally calmed down and was able to sleep. But I really scared my family and my husband, who could only listen idly over the phone.

But the support from my husband, family and friends helped me to move forward. I also talked to my therapist about it. She assured me that panic attacks were common and my lack of sleep alone caused my temporary neurosis.

I dreaded the possibility of having another panic attack. I was afraid my loved ones would think I was crazy or resent me for having to calm me down.

My doctor prescribed anti-anxiety pills just in case. I was soon to leave the care of my therapist, due to a changing of my health insurance. However, she urged me to remember the tools and strategies she taught me to effectively de-escalate my high anxiety.

Arriving in Japan

I was so relieved to finally arrive safely in our new home in Japan. All the months of paperwork, packing and preparation finally paid off. 

Timmy, our cat, made it safely too, and he finally acclimated to his new home after a couple weeks.

However, the first few months I was still an emotional wreck. I worried about no longer having access to my therapist at the time I needed her the most, only weeks after my first panic attack.

I came on the verge of having a panic attack about 5 or 6 times. Fortunately, with strategies I learned from therapy, I was able to calm myself down and prevent it. The most impactful was practicing self-compassion towards myself which I learned from reading the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook.

Moving Forward

I’m proud to say it’s been over a year and I’ve never had another panic attack. Thankfully I never had to take the anti-anxiety medication either.

I was fortunate to have a lot of time to heal and reflect. I recounted the lessons learned from my meltdown. Although it was painful, I learned a lot about the importance of setting boundaries, time for self-care and tending to my mental health.

I learned to forgive myself for making mistakes. And for not handling things as competently as I had hoped to.

I never wanted to be vulnerable by asking for help or to even vent to close friends and family. However, taking on new challenges and stepping outside of my comfort zone forced me to be vulnerable. It made me realize unhealthy ways I was dealing with stress. It made me discover negative habits I had to let go of to become my best self.

Embracing Challenges

If you’re like me, an anxiety-prone and neurotic overthinker, then you probably don’t handle stress well either.

However, avoiding stressful situations is not the solution.

The situations that bring us stress are the ones that get us out of our comfort zones and challenge us to face our fears. If we avoid stress, we never grow.

Of course, staying in a prolonged state of stress is not healthy. Don’t be afraid to get professional help if you’re not coping well. Or reach out to friends and family for support.

Build Stress Resilience

Take time to reflect on why you’re not handling the stress well. Are there limiting beliefs or irrational fears holding you back? For example, perhaps you have a limiting belief that you’re incapable and can’t handle tough situations. All too often it’s not just the stressful situation but how we’re internally reacting to it that’s causing emotional strife.

Having an anxiety disorder is already stressful enough. Make time to discover other unhealthy patterns that’s making you struggle more than you have to.

For example, learning to set boundaries, stop people-pleasing, make time for self-care, practice self-compassion, and releasing limiting beliefs all lead to greater stress resilience.

Starting a meditation practice also enhances relaxation and has been show to reduce anxiety.

So don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Or falling flat on your face and embarrassing yourself. It’s a part of the journey. It’s actually a good sign that shows you’re making progress. You’re taking risks and not letting your fears hold you back. Change is always scary, but we don’t have to let our anxiety stop us from living the life we truly want.

Moving abroad with an anxiety disorder both possible and greatly fulfilling. Don’t let anxiety stop you from traveling and experiencing all life has to offer.

Living a full life means experiencing stressful situations from time to time. However, with some help and practice we can learn to handle stress more effectively and grow in the process.

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