The #1 mindset shift that improved my life was changing my story. It’s had THE most positive impact out of any other self improvement I’ve made.Â
At age 25, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend who I’d thought I was going to marry. I was sick of his lying and drug use. But being single meant I had to reinvent myself and my life. However, instead of feeling liberated, I was terrified.
I didn’t believe that a worthwhile man would actually want to be with me. It was hard to shake this horrible feeling that I just wasn’t enough.Â
I mean, I wanted to love myself – to believe in myself and feel worthy. But, I had no idea how to.
I thought, ‘How could I feel good about myself when I was constantly reminded by my lack of success?
Ready for Change
However, somewhere deep inside I knew I was capable of more. I was so sick of feeling insecure and constantly seeking approval from others.
I realized I needed to change.
So, I decided to change my story. I stopped believing the story that I was not enough. And, instead, I chose to believe in the best possible version of myself.
Changing your story – means changing your personal narrative about who you believe yourself to be.
Read More:
Before the Change
My whole life I struggled with low self-esteem. But at 25, I felt especially lost and hopeless. The youthful optimism of my early twenties had faded. I was nowhere near where I’d imagined I’d be at this age.Â
I saw myself as a loser who had nothing to offer a potential mate, because I fixated on reasons WHY I wasn’t good enough now.Â
Such as:
- I didn’t graduate college yet and was still slowly finishing my Bachelor’s Degree
- I was broke, had bad credit, and didn’t have a great paying job
- I was extremely shy, insecure, and had social anxiety
- I had no idea what I was going to do after I graduated
Changing My Story
But then, I decided I would make a new commitment to myself. From now on, I was going to believe I was enough now – exactly as I was – despite ALL my flaws and less-than-perfect life circumstances.Â
And I would stick to this new perspective – no matter what happened. Especially, no matter what other people said or thought about me.
This was my new truth. My new story. Period.
I was done trying to convince others that I was enough. I was no longer going to wait until I became ‘successful’ to feel good about myself.
This mindset shift transformed my life completely.
Read Related: Why I Finally Became an Optimist
Changing My Story Improved My Confidence
I gained relief from painful emotions and constant anxiety. My brain stopped looking for ways why I wasn’t enough and was now focusing on reasons why I was enough.Â
Our minds are problem-solving machines. They’re like computers that run on the beliefs we program them with. So if you’re constantly asking yourself, ‘Why aren’t I good enough?’ or ‘Why aren’t I successful?’ – your mind will go to work to find you the answers. It can’t decipher what is actually true or not.Â
So if you don’t believe in your worthiness – then no matter what you do, you’ll never feel like it’s enough. Your brain will always look for reasons to back your existing beliefs. Therefore, you must change your beliefs first.
I Stopped Seeking Approval
After changing my story, another amazing thing happened. I started caring way less about what others thought about me.Â
I gave up relying on others’ approval to feel good about myself. Whenever I met someone who made me feel bad about who I was – I just cut them out of my life. The old me would have tried to change their opinion to make them like me.Â
I also spent less time on social media and stopped comparing myself to others.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
Lucille Ball
Define Success for Yourself
After changing my mindset, my dating life improved as well. I started connecting with men who were much more like-minded. And, eventually, I met the man of my dreams -who is now my husband.
I realized that I was on my own unique life path. No one else had the exact same difficulties I had to overcome. Therefore, success is not a one-size-fits-all definition for each person.
Changing your story means owning your story. Define your own definition of success. Then to hell with what anyone else thinks.
My Life Circumstances Improved
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Wayne Dyer
After changing my story, my life improved drastically. Instead of seeing myself as lost and hopeless, I chose to believe that I was just going through a transition. I was finding who I was and what I wanted in my life – and that was okay.
I saw my obstacles as opportunities and gave myself permission to explore all my interests. Therefore, I gained clarity on what I really wanted.
Looking back, this ended up being one of the most fun and exciting periods of my life. All because I chose to believe that my best days were still ahead of me. The prime of my life was not over, it was just beginning.
Read More: 10 Powerful Ways Mindfulness Changed My Life
New Opportunities
This perspective opened up new opportunities. I started acting in alignment with the good enough person I now believed myself to be. I found a new job that I really enjoyed and paid well – all because I allowed myself to experiment, make mistakes, and find my true passions.
Then after I finished college, I got promoted to assistant director for the nonprofit organization.
I also married my soulmate, traveled to several countries, and now am living abroad in Japan. Of course, my life is not a fairy tale – and if I wanted to, I still could find so many things wrong with it. But every day I’m moving closer to my own definition of success – and, honestly, I’ve never been happier.
Why You Should Change Your Story
“There’s two things you can focus on: what you have or what’s missing… If your brain is constantly focusing on what’s missing, how can you ever sustain happiness no matter how successful you become? It is impossible.”
Tony Robbins
Self-love doesn’t happen automatically. It’s a deliberate choice you must choose to make. You can’t improve your life until you first love yourself – and believe you’re worthy of success.
Perspective is everything. Our minds create judgments, or stories, about our every experience. However, we can choose the best possible perspective, or we can succumb to a perspective of negativity and hopelessness.Â
Changing your story simply means changing what you tell yourself about who you are and the life you’re living.Â
Love Requires Compassion
Love requires compassion to see past others’ flaws. We already practice this with those we love. For example, you perceive your boyfriend’s immaturity as a boyish charm. Or your best friend’s frankness, which you admire as confidence.
It’s not about pretending flaws aren’t there or convincing yourself to like them. But rather choosing to see the best in someone – despite their worst flaws.Â
In this same way, changing your story requires having compassion for yourself. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, just like you would to a close friend or family member.Â
“The greatest thing you can give yourself is the freedom from what others think.”
Abraham Hicks
Let Go of What You Can’t Control
In the end, true fulfillment will not come from what others think about you.
You have two choices:
1) You can waste your time trying to conform to society’s standards – ticking off boxes about who you should be or how you should live – to be deemed good enough by some imaginary scorekeeper.
2) Or, you can stop waiting and choose to be happy right now.
Choose to the best possible perspective of yourself and your life. Give yourself the approval you crave. You’ll be amazed with how your life will transform to align with your new narrative.
Ultimately, you’ll never be able to control how the outside world perceives you- so focus on what is within your control. Change your story and you’ll change your life.
Thank you for reading my blog! Please leave a comment 🙂 or share on Pinterest! I’d love to hear – What self-improvement or mindset change has made the most impact in your life?
