5 Things to Remember When You Want to Give Up on Dating

I found myself single again at the age of 25. At first, it was liberating and fun. But soon, I started to hate it with a passion and wanted to give up on dating.

Resentment set in when every guy I dated, even those who were older and seemingly more ‘mature’ – were only interested in hooking up. Then there were guys who made me believe they wanted a serious relationship, only to disappear as soon as we got physical.

Dating was no longer fun and carefree like it had been in my early twenties and when I had much lower standards. Back then I was only looking for someone to date. But now I was searching for my husband.

The most damaging blow to my optimism came when I thought I had finally found someone special.

I met an older, handsome, mysterious man when we both showed up to a meditation class that had been cancelled. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I interpreted the coincidence as serendipity . However, I soon realized he was not at all who I thought he was.

He led me to believe he was this successful freelance filmmaker. But he was actually an unemployed, recovering alcoholic crashing rent-free at a friend’s house. The nice car he was driving was not even his either, but he was borrowing it from another friend. There were also many other red flags: he had a bad temper, was overly jealous, and extremely self-absorbed.

Deep resentment and disappointment set in. I felt duped by not only this man but by the entire universe. It felt like God had played a practical joke on me – synchronizing these beautiful events for a love I thought was meant to be, only for him to turn out to be a total loser.

Why was the universe mocking me? I pictured God laughing at me, “Haha, you actually believed you would attract someone ‘normal’ for once!?”

But we’ve all been there. When you feel stuck in dating purgatory because you just keep attracting the same weirdos. When you want to give up on dating because you think you’ve met the one only to find out he’s “not ready” for a long-term relationship.

Fortunately, my story has a happy ending. Only a few months after ending it with the mystery man, I met the man of my dreams who I’m now married to.

However, I know hard it can be to stay optimistic when we keep getting disappointed again and again while dating.

So read on for my 5 Things to Remember When You’re Ready to Give Up on Dating:

5 Things to Remember When You’re Ready to Give Up on Dating

#1 Keep the Faith

When you want to give up on dating, find the strength to keep going by having faith that you will find your special someone.

Choose to keep believing that you will find an amazing partner, and force yourself to go on regular dates – even when you don’t feel like it.

Faith is not about being religious, it just means believing in something even when you have no proof to back it up.

“Don’t give up on believing that you will find your ideal partner, even when times are rough. “

Don’t let your past create negative expectations for your future. The future is full of endless possibilities and new beginnings. There’s almost 8 billion people in the world. Others have found their soulmates and so can you . Remind yourself you’re not lacking anything, nor is there anything wrong with you.

Don’t give up on believing that you will find your ideal partner, even when times are rough. And when you do, they’ll be so worth all the disappointment and heartache you had to go through to find them.

#2 Don’t Waste Your Time

To prevent dating burnout, remember to not waste your time. When someone shows you a red flag, or that they’re just not that into you – it’s time to move on.

You have to know clearly what you want – in a partner and relationship. But it takes more than just knowing – you must have the courage to walk away from what is not meant for you. You must be able to say ‘no’ to what you don’t want – before you can find what you truly want.

You must be able to say ‘no’ to what you don’t want – before you can find what you truly want.

Don’t waste your time dating someone who is not looking for a long-term relationship. Trying to change their mind will only leave you disappointed. You deserve someone who is ready to commit for the long-term.

Look Out for Red Flags

Oprah said, “When people show you who they are – the first time – believe them. Not the 29th time.” When dating someone, especially in a new relationship, beware of signs that show they wouldn’t make a trustworthy partner.

You may feel bad that you’ve invested a couple years or so into the relationship. However, it’s better to cut things off now and stop wasting more time, instead of having to divorce for the same reasons years from now.

Do they take forever to return your calls? Keep you hanging on when you’ll see them next or are not willing to commit? Do they lie or make you feel worse about who you are?

These are all bad signs that shows you this is not someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t waste your time by giving them chance after chance. These signs are showing you who they really are, so believe them – the first time – and move on.

#3 Don’t Take Rejection Personally

Don’t take painful experiences in dating personally – whether it’s being rejected, cheated on, or just having a streak of bad luck in your dating life.

Instead of giving up on dating, learn to not take rejection so personally.

Showing someone your most vulnerable self and then being rejected for it is one of the most painful experiences in life. However, it doesn’t have to be so painful if you change the way you think and respond to it.

Develop Thicker Skin

Every person is so unique that it’s only natural to meet people you just don’t click with. Instead of believing there’s something wrong with you or trying to change yourself, focus on finding the people that already get you.

Instead of believing there’s something wrong with you or trying to change yourself, focus on finding the people that already get you.

However, this doesn’t mean that you don’t take constructive feedback or work to improve upon yourself. But just remember that we all have our flaws. The right person would love you despite your biggest flaws.

So don’t stop putting yourself out there even when it’s uncomfortable. Eventually, you’ll develop thicker skin. Rejection will become less and less painful. And when things don’t go as planned – you’ll be able to move on knowing it’s just a natural part of the dating game.

#4 Focus on Silver Linings

Although it’s tempting to remain in bitter resentment over the past, doing this will only close you off from the love you seek.

Take the time you need to fully feel and express any grief, resentment or anger, but then decide to move on from it. Don’t let past negative experiences taint your expectations for the future.

We all carry baggage into new relationships, but the more you can heal on your own, the more ready you’ll be to start fresh with someone new.

Practice Gratitude

Instead of focusing solely on past disappointments, focus on being grateful for all the good memories, fun times, and lessons learned. Focus on how your past relationships have made you stronger and helped you to more clearly know what you really want in a partner.

It might sound like a cliche, but gratitude is a great way to let go of negative emotions and maintain an optimistic perspective.

So make the Ariana Grande song your mantra and say, “Thank you, next.” Choose to move up and on rather than wallow in self-pity, anger, or resentment.

#5 Remember to Have Fun

The most important thing to remember so you don’t give up on dating, is to try to have fun with it.

This might seem impossible, but I assure you that it’s not.

Having fun is not about being careless or irresponsible. Instead, it’ll allows you to relax, enjoy the moment, break down your walls, and not make hasty decisions.

How to Have More Fun

Enjoy the process of getting to know someone, instead of starting out so serious right away. Have the attitude of starting off as friends and seeing where things go naturally. This will eliminate stressful pressure, and help you stop overthinking about whether you’ll find the one or not.

To have more fun with dating, suggest date ideas that are to your liking. Choose an exciting new restaurant or activity you’ve always wanted to try.

Laughter and fun reminds us to not take ourselves so seriously. It gives us the strength to keep moving forward. Continue to believe that you will find the one, and then in the meantime, enjoy the process.

Stay Strong, Dear Hearts

The next time you find yourself wanting to give up on dating, learn to rest and not to quit. Sometimes dating just really, really sucks.